For such a hat as this

I don’t know about you but the novelty of juggling is beginning to wear off a little. I’d always been reasonably adept at swapping my whole range of metaphorical hats (and the odd literal woolly one). Whatever door I went through I managed to don the appropriate head piece – there was the teacher one, the wife one, the parent one, the church worker one – not to mention the sub-hats – a whole array of chef, gardener, cleaner, shopper and list-maker headscarves and the Sunday school, youth group and children’s talk caps. If you’ve never read Oborne and Scheffler’s ‘Hamilton’s Hats’, I recommend it for a porcine account of the importance of having the perfect hat for every occasion. It’s not quite a treatise to live one’s life by, but pre-lockdown I’d got the hat swapping nailed.

Oh how I look back to that time with a maniacal smile, as the pile of hats I’m currently balancing precariously seems to be the forerunner of a successful party game. No more do I have to coach myself as I walk into a room, take a deep breath and respond in a manner befitting my hat. Now I get to wear all my hats at one time. And you get to see every single one of them (well, maybe not the backwards baseball cap) as you meet me on Teams, message me on WhatsApp or peek through my window during the so-called days of ‘home learning’. To be honest, it feels like the hat pile is a little wobbly and sometimes, I admit, the hats are getting a bit confused – the wrong hat rises to the top of the pile at the wrong moment, and I’ve found myself wondering whether I’m cut out for all of this. The hats were tricky before lockdown, now I have a whole heap of homogenous headgear.

Yet I’ve been pondering Esther and her beauty pageant (sadly hats don’t get much air time), not to mention the challenges she faces as she navigates her new role as Queen. Perhaps God has been trying to show me that my individual hats, so finely honed and crafted over years, decades, even a life time, are not in fact distinct roles but actually a single identity, a whole. Maybe, these different hats are meant to come together “for such a time as this.” (Esther 4:14) Perhaps being me is a true culmination of the hats and, rather than juggling and swapping them around as I move from one aspect of life to another, I should sew them into a nice single entity as part of the “new self” that I’m putting on (Ephesians 4:24). In fact, what I’ve realised is that what makes me ‘me’, is the integrity that I have as I don each of my hats – my role may be different but my character is the same. I am truly seeking to put on a “compassionate heart[s], kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, … forgiving each other” (Colossians 3:12-13). The hat that I wear may look different as a teacher, a wife, a parent, a church worker, but the threads, which run through them, are the same. And that knowledge is making the juggling a little more peaceful and powerful.

Prayer

Lord God, Thank you for your patience as I navigate life and as I get tangled in my different roles. Please help me to maintain integrity and to celebrate the character you are refining within me. May I reflect your glory, Amen.

Challenge

Think about the hats that you think you’re wearing at this time, maybe make a list of them. What fundamental aspects of your character, and God’s character and fruit in your life, link each one?

Written by Abi McGowan

English teacher and Literacy Co-ordinator at Bluecoat Aspley Academy.