I like to think that tasks or activities I do are worthwhile – even ‘worthy’. For instance, I can’t visit the toilet, when I’m at school, without taking a detour to drop off some photocopying at reprographics. It’s as if just going to the toilet does not justify me leaving my desk for five minutes. That might make me quite productive in the workplace, but I’ve had a suspicion for some time that this tendency does not make me the easiest person to live with.
Well this period of lockdown has certainly challenged my perception of what ‘worthwhile’ means.
Whenever I used to ask my children what they’d been up to during their free time, this question was often met with some degree of suspicion and answers like, ‘Nothing’ or, ‘Nothing you’d be interested in’ were volleyed back at me as defence against the critical, parental intrusion. However wounded I would like to present myself as, following these combative verbal assaults, they were absolutely right. Had either of them dared to share ‘Well, I’ve just been spending the last hour watching pandas falling over on youtube’, I would not have approved. I would have been thinking of more worthy calls on this time, like tidying bedrooms or doing homework. So, yes ‘Nothing’ would be an accurate term for something I considered ‘nothing worthwhile.’
Don’t spend all of your sympathies on my family, though. Living with such high expectations is hard on me too. At the beginning of lockdown, I looked at the growing wilderness in my back garden and tutted generous amounts of disapproval at myself. Now here was a worthwhile task and yet I couldn’t motivate myself. It was now so ‘worthy’ it had become a chore; not a pleasure. Instead I found myself dusting off my paint-tin to do some Bible journaling. This inspired me to attempt a painting, which I hadn’t tried since I was doing my GCSEs! Unsurprisingly, I was not impressed, artistically, with the outcome. It was then that I was shocked to hear someone utter, ‘What was the point of that?’ - and that voice was my own! I was shocked because I was ashamed. And I was ashamed because I knew the truth deep down: It’s the attitude of my heart that gives value to what I do.
The other day my daily bible reading (which pops up quite helpfully on my phone) was this: “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” (Proverbs 16:3). It wasn’t new to me but it did bring a new revelation – and I just love that! Previously, I had always considered this verse to be applicable to ‘worthy’ tasks that could be life-changing. But God put on my heart that I had got it all wrong. The word ‘commit’ comes from the Hebrew word ‘galal’ which is the verb to roll, or roll away – as you would roll a ball in a game with a friend. I suddenly realised that the smallest things, when ‘rolled’ towards the Lord to include Him, become worthwhile. It’s not the ‘work’ that has to be worthy; when I invite God to be part of anything I do, it is a worthwhile thing to be doing. My painting isn’t going to end up in an art gallery but I was meditating on God’s word when I worked on it, so it’s valuable.
On our daily walk, my son brings his football and we’ve got into the habit of playing ‘one-touch’ as we walk. Not in itself a very worthwhile thing; rolling a ball to and fro. Yet most days this is the thing I look forward to the most, the moments I know I’ll treasure long after lockdown. As we roll the ball, we chat, laugh (usually at my clumsiness!) and just share the moment. What could be more worthwhile?
Written by Leah Wain-ReidHead of English at Bluecoat Aspley
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